I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
