lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
