I'm pants shitting drunk right now
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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