My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
