Can i not drive my cunt home
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
