got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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