Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
