I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Randomize
