Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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