I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize