3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
