i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
