I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize