dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
ugly people sure do ruin things
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
