Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm sobbing to NWA
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
