If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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