who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
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