Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
