the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
