You can't motorboat a personality
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Randomize
