I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
