My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
do nipples grow back?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
