from now on my penis is your penis
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
