You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
