Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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