i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I'm always down for nudity.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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