I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
