he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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