I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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