Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
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