I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
