I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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