carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
