This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
third nipple confirmed
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
