Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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