I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
