Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
