so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
