I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
