Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
