WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
