Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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