when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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