remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
