It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
