Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
cat food counts as protein by the way
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
