I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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