Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
