Define "chronic" masturbator.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
