Well apparently he's into motor boating.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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