Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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