still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
