very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
