her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
