I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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