so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
