Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
