Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
whose parrot is this?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
