I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
