What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
