You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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