If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
