The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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