Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
