My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
