he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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