and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
