the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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