Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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