my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
