Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
