My friends, they love my intelligence
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
