who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize