Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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