My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
