Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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